Now I was in Bolton street at the time studying to be a plumber and the teacher start talking about taxes and pay slips , I was puzzled as I in the two years I’ve never got any or heard about taxes , I got paid in cash in the toilet in Molloys pub . The following Friday in Molloys we met as usual me Keith, Jonsey ,Harry and Willy the Wig ,now Willy was a good friend of me Dad he wore a wig hence the name , he knew every scam in the book , after the first pint I said to me Dad about getting taxed and pay slips. He said your tax is enrolled with the companies and he doesn’t give pay slips as there only dirt collectors I could see Willy smirking. We got paid in the toilet and sat down jonsey said” what’s in your lucky bag “as he wasn’t too happy to be docked and a parking fine was in his envelope. Few weeks later my p45 came in the door and lucky I seen the post before harry, I opened it and to no surprise there was mostly zeros on it, they didn’t think I existed as wasn’t paying tax or working in their eyes, so I seen an opportunity to challenge Harry and get the dole as well just to keep the revenue happy I said.
Coming into my third year of my apprenticeship I decided I wanted my own motor as I was due my raise and getting the dole life was good, I went to Harry tell him my plans he said he even go guarantor and pay the tax and insurance I was taken back at how easy he went for it, what I didn’t know was he needed another van for the company and now I was paying for it. But I didn’t care at the age getting your own van was a promotion to manhood and I could bring girls up to the viewpoint for you know yourself , now with my new van and independence and could afford my own work clothes things couldn’t get any better but the more I earned the more I drank and took drugs, 6 months later I crashed the van, well two Moroccans crashed into me as I done a dodgy turn without indicating which is first time I’ve ever admitted it as id witnesses who said otherwise , my van being towed away I went into hire a van gave my insurance details and they said I’m sorry you’re not covered, I said your mistaken let me ring them , chatted on the phone telling them I was insured 6 months ago by my father which they did agree but then said he rang the following day cancelling the policy, the fucking snake I thought, I rang him and said what are ye playing at he replied “ sure haven’t ye the wallpaper in the window” meaning I had the policy in paper , then I realized he was a scamming fucker but ye had to laugh at his cheek.
Out of the blue one evening the phone rang my Ma answered a girl saying I got her friend pregnant, the blood drained from my face as I knew who she was talking about. I was so immature and vulnerable at the time id no idea how to deal with it, only to block it out with drink and drugs. I can look back now and say the most beautiful thing in my life came out of the situation.
At this stage id been hanging around the snooker hall allot more and my friendship with Barry drifted as he was a heroin addict and began hanging with an old school friends Marc a very loyal and genuine mate , Baldy who had a beautiful head of hair but got his nickname from getting his jocks pulled down revealing his baldness but in fairness to him he was 12, Neville who got me my first 5 spot of blow and the DJ of the group who never left the house without his stereo who we all took turns robbing the batteries out of the pound shop, Dave who had a thing for horses and bikes and called me and my brothers Harry , Paul who lived next door to Baldy and the gentleman of the group and Darren who was a dreamer and always coming up with ideas to get rich and nearly did but got ten years instead . We hung, sold hash listened to music and played snooker all week, then cans and the rave on weekends a far cry from playing ball on the road with Barry thinking and dreaming of playing for Liverpool. We got a lucky break when baldys family decided to move down the country and sold the house to him as he got a claim, so we had a base to chill and party.
After a long weekend of drinking taking E and smoking blow we woke up on a Monday morning in Baldy’s dying and very seedy counting the hours till the off licence opened, when a knock came on the door it was Stefan a friend we use to play football with he was looking for somewhere to have a smoke (heroin)
Baldy invited him in and said work away I remembered that night with Barry and how it made me feel so I asked for just two lines to straighten me out, when I smoked it this time the hangover left immediately and was so comfortable and secure it dug its claws in me got me at my weakest moment, me Marc, Baldy and Dave all got stoned that day and the next and the next, 6 days went by without opening the curtains as reality wasn’t an option. The following Monday I needed to go to work and get out of the house , I got into my van and started to drive I start feeling very ill pains in my back and tears in my eyes a very uncomfortable feeling full of anxiety and consumed with cravings for heroin . I panicked and rang my cousin and told him what I done for the week he replied “you’ve a monkey on your back now”. I couldn’t understand I thought it took years to get strung out, I resented his comment but would later realize its harsh truth, I drove to Fatima as I couldn’t accept the reality of the situation, so I scored a bag of gear and shed a few tears on my own as I knew it had me. it’s a very scary realisation when your addicted to heroin its power and pull over you is claustrophobic .,this was the darkest time in my life , all I kept thinking of was my Da’s reaction ,after all he told me about the drug, and then the heartache of Keith and now me . I was consumed with guilt and shame .word got home and I was now living in baldys at the time as we were all strung out I was sitting in the kitchen when I heard the front door open and hear my das voice “where is he ????? “
Before getting a reply he burst in the door came into the kitchen with tears in his eyes gave me few clatters and told me not to come home, id finally got his attention.
Reflection
The brain communicates with itself by sending out chemical information from one neuron or nerve cell to another. Brain chemistry is the sum of all the chemical messaging that takes place in the brain, which allows it to carry out its daily functions, such as generating movement, speaking, thinking, listening, regulating the systems of the body, and countless others
Serotonin
Many studies have linked low levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin to depression, impulsive and aggressive forms of behaviour, violence, and even suicide. The class of medications called SSRIs prevents the neurons that release this chemical from taking it back in once it is in the synapse. As a result, the person has more serotonin available to attach to receptors in the brain, which can ease the symptoms of depression.
Depression, social anxiety, excessive shyness, and hyperactivity are just some of the conditions that might be treated successfully with medications that alter neurotransmitter levels in the brain. Before these medications became available, people with these and other problems either had to live with them or worked with a psychiatrist or psychologist to deal with their feelings. Now we know that brain chemistry disorders can be treated, allowing more people to overcome much of their social difficulty.